Happy ever after again?
A happy relationship after infidelity? Does such a thing even exist?
You’ve just found out that your “person,” the one you trusted with your whole heart, has betrayed you.
Completely blindsided. This couldn’t happen to you – not in a million years.
Desolate and doubtful
Entirely alone – the one thing you NEVER thought you’d feel in a committed relationship.
The bond is broken – you question everything – but most painfully, you question yourself and your own judgment.
How did this happen? How did you miss the signs? How could this person who committed to love you, and only you, hurt you in this way? How could they hold your heart in their hand and crush it without hesitation?
Inside – a house divided
Part of you wants to tell everyone you know, and the other part feels so ashamed and embarrassed that you hope no one ever finds out.
And the most confusing thing is, as angry and hurt as you are, you still love your partner and want to find a way to make your relationship work. When you committed, you did so for the long run, for good and bad, through the ups and downs.
While you never expected this, you’re willing to fight for your relationship.
Putting it all back together
Infidelity recovery work occurs in three stages. First, we will dissect the affair itself and work through all the feelings that arose from it.
Next, we’ll try to understand the factors that allowed the door to infidelity to open just far enough for it to have occurred in the first place.
Finally, we’ll work to rebuild a strong, healthy relationship – with better communication and the tools to manage conflict to ensure that door is CLOSED – FOREVER.
The heart of the matter
Unless the infidelity is the result of a characterological deficit, not typically the case, it is usually the symptom of a problem – rather than the problem itself.
Though it’s often difficult for the partner who was cheated on, we must figure out the underlying issues – to facilitate genuine healing. Although looking at the underlying causes can sometimes cause the victim to feel as though he or she is taking the blame, this process is NOT about pointing fingers.
It is about understanding the fractures in the relationship – so we can repair them and avoid future pain.
The big picture
It’s also important to look at the relationship as a whole, both partners’ contributions, both good and bad.
What were you each bringing, or not bringing, to the table before the infidelity? Did you communicate as well as you could have? Did the stressors of life start to create distance between you?
The subtle ways in which we drift away from each other often create the hairline fractures which, when left untreated, grow into something more problematic. Honesty with yourself and your partner will be the most important part of this process.
Better than before
As crazy as it sounds, couples who put in the work and are honest about their relationship and their contributions to it, both good and bad, often tell me that they are in a better place than they had ever been before the affair.
Instead of holding their feelings in, they have learned the way to communicate openly and honestly so that no problem ever grows large enough to make infidelity an option.
They now know the importance of expressing their need – as well as a way to do it – so that their partner does not feel attacked.
They learn how to connect – on a deeper level. And their intimacy – both physical and emotional – is intensified.
Simply put, they are happier in their relationship than they ever dreamed possible. And it’s possible for you, too.
You’ve reached the crossroads.
As much as you wish you could make it so that the affair never happened, it’s now part of your story.
You can allow it to destroy your relationship, or you can make it the catalyst for building the relationship you have always wanted.
This work is difficult – there’s no way around that; but if you’re willing to do the work, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve seen it with other couples.
Let’s rewrite the ending to your story
You have nothing to lose, but so much to gain.
Reach out today to begin your journey back. We will discuss further how I can help find the path back to each other and live happily ever after – again.